3 Communication Tips for Marriage from a Mental Health Counselor

 3 Communication Tips to Help During Conflict in Marriage

Let's face it. Conflict can be difficult, especially with holding your tongue. One of the main concerns couples share in therapy is the struggle to communicate well. I hear this frequently, week in and week out. If you are someone who needs help, you are not alone. In this blog, I'm going to share 3 easy communication tips to help you navigate your marriage relationship.

1. Speak What Is in Marriage instead of Speaking Your Mind During Conflict

 Speak what is in marriage instead of speaking your mind. I often hear people say, "Just speak your mind." Maybe you say this too. I know I have! The danger to speaking your mind in conflict is that you may speak what is true sometimes, but not necessarily always. You will speak the truth mixed in with things that are not true. This can be harmful to your relationship. Therefore, focus on what is true; and do your best to hold your tongue on what is not valid!

Here is a quick example. Let's say John is a firefighter and he gets called in early to work one morning. This day happens to be his wife Jen's birthday. John leaves his house at 5 a.m. instead of his normal clock-in time, of 10 a.m. John gets off of work at 2:00 p.m. and quickly texts his wife, "Happy Birthday! Looking forward to taking you to dinner tonight!" 

When John gets home, Jen is reserved in her disposition. Jen wonders, "Does John really love me? Why didn't he just text me 'Happy Birthday' when he woke up?" At dinner, Jen shares with John, "I don't feel like you really love me. Why didn't you text me when you woke up?"

Jen spoke her mind. Was she hurt? Absolutely. John should have texted her when he woke up. She shared that she feels like John does not love her. A better response from Jen would be, "I was hurt that you didn't text me happy birthday when you woke up this morning;" This is Jen speaking what is true.

2. Speak What Is In as Few Words as Possible During Conflict

Sometimes speaking many words is hurtful and not necessarily the words that were shared. Sometimes a spouse during a conflict might bring up a history of repeated offenses from the other. This is hurtful in marriage. Being thoughtful in your response will help you use few words instead of many. 

When you forgive your husband you are choosing to release his history of wrongdoing. This will lead to you sharing less during conflict. I believe speaking a few words is the most difficult of the three communication tips. 

3. Speak Slowly During Conflict

Speak slowly during conflict in marriage. When you speak slowly you will lower your physical response to be defensive. Watch how you begin to breathe again, instead of having a constricted chest. You will also speak fewer words. 

Think about tempo when you speak. A great practical tip is to practice speaking while having your hand tapping on top of your knee; let your words match the tempo of tapping. 

Concluding Thoughts about Communication in Marriage

In conclusion, you will be able to navigate your marriage relationship whenever you speak what is, use few words, and speak slowly. 

Marriage Counseling in Fort Worth, Texas

Joel Peterson, LPC is a marriage counselor at Cowtown Christian Counseling in Fort Worth, Texas. He provides therapy services for couples who would like to revive their relationship. Joel does this through practical tips as well as constant encouragement.